Sunday, August 07, 2005

Dead? I think not!


I feel like I should be in a Superman novel like the one where he came back from the dead. Except... well... I haven't been Super-anything to date.

But I will be! Huzzah!

I shall be Superman... er, Superry--maybe not. But I will be better than I have been, and that, my dear friends, is an outright promise, meaning that, if I do not meet or exceed these expectations (which I expect to receive from all of you in writing tomorrow) you may [your act of cruelty here.]

Alas, here I am on a Saturday night, with my bowl of Breyer's Vanilla and Chocolate Fudge Checkered Ice Cream with Jimmies, blogging away like I haven't done in, uh, over a month(?). Anywho, I've been thinking. As usual, no doubt, too much. But I think this too much, may actually be enough! I mean, think about it--wait, you don't even know what I've thought about. Okay, brief explanation then...

I have been growing, as I don't seem to have stopped since my arrival on the steps of St. Fran's, or anywhere else on campus I may have first stepped out of a vehicle. Anyway. I seem to have found something. Maybe it's just that my thyroid and adrenal glands are finally producing again, and that I can think and have energy, but no matter, for I have not been this way since--since ever! I am even beginning to know what I really want! See, all of this time I have been hesitant in being me (so I think) because I have been slightly hesitant with what I perceive to be my vocation. Now, however, I realize that what I want is to be married and have children, and that I need to strive in that direction, and set up my goals in that direction so that I have some progress. If God changes my bearings, so be it, at least I'll have had the experience of being able to determine a regimen and many other great things.

... of course that wasn't all, but I realized that I was getting off track. So! I am starting to have self-motivation. I may be a Jenius, or even a Genius. I may be hard-working and well focused, and all those other great things that might pop into one's head to say about some brilliant millionaire, but I have not had any goals to apply those wonderful attributes the Lord has given me. I have my reason now!

Here's the catch though guys. I need your help. I need motivation and pushing. Just help me keep my blinders on so that I can keep looking straight ahead. Don't feel bad if you have to be a pain and tell me that I ought not be doing something rather than something else, because I'll love you for doing so. And, of course, please expect the same of me, for I know that we are all in this together, and we all need our peer pressure to get us through it all.

Blee! I feel wonderfully well. I am headed for great things, and I want to take you all with me. Only by His love and grace though. Fiat voluntas Tua...



  1. Well, Ryan, I am glad to see that you are not dead. However, I think most people probably thought something other than death took you. Rather, you must have been seized in the spirit, and on impulse decided to run off to the Trappist monastery to take a vow of silence! I see it all! Yet, you were spared since there was probably a 30 day trial period of partaking in total silence!TM religious life. Which means you either went to Gethsamene in Kentucky, or up to Genessee in New York! How could you go Trappist, and not see me! Ah ha! The vow of silence. I forgot. Well, it's so good to hear from you again!

  2. You've found motivation! Where? What are these grand goals and magnificent new purpose of your's?

    God Bless.

  3. +JMJ+
    Hey Ryan! You have my help you always have had, except now I will be more, less hesitant to give the advice (if that makes any sense). It is really so great to hear that you are honestly trying to follow God's will......I admire you for that Ryan Ostendorf! I will make this comment short on the blog, but check your email as well, but know one thing: I don't think that you were ever gone and then all of a sudden back from the dead! I know when people read this, they are going to be shocked that I am going to say this, but "being gone and then back from the dead" takes that thought on both ends to forget about each other and then realize things, but you, Ryan, were NEVER forgotten about! Maybe some of us wondered about you, but we always prayed for you while you were in your "growing mode" and "vocation search"......every one of us has done that, but we all respond to it differently. For instance, I have found my way is to just simply be around people and children and talk my friends.....your way happens to be in contemplative thought, and that's wonderful! I think all of us should take a lesson in that! Anyway, this is longer than I thought, but please check your email, k?! And don't worry about anything, just put it all into God's hands and you KNOW that WEVERYTHING will be alright!
    Can't wait to see you in the fall!