Thursday, July 28, 2005

Dictionary for women

In the spirit of the post that went up in Campion some time ago, I thought I'd post this. I was shuffling around the infermation super cow path & found:

Dictionary for women
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card

7 comments:

  1. Anonymous8:26 AM

    Ha! Jenne, you are too funny.

    --little me

    ReplyDelete
  2. hahaha. My masculinity is a little more solid now, thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  3. haha

    I dunno, I know some pretty long blande jokes.

    If hardware stores were in malls, it would be a none-issue.

    God Bless.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sorry to post such a random comment here, but . . .

    NEEDED: REEL MUSIC

    I noticed one of you posted about making CDs of the reels we use at dance club. I'm calling a dance tomorrow night and could really use the Boys of Ballymore and the lively version of Tell Me Ma by the same group. If you have those on mp3 and could e-mail them to me at theresamf at gmail dot com, I would really appreciate it.

    Thanks, and have a great sophomore year.

    ReplyDelete
  5. WWAD?

    What would Aristotle do?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous1:14 AM

    "Silence is a woman's glory but not equally that of a man."

    ReplyDelete